A BOLT FROM THE BLUE
My father got sick on 1st Jan 2021, just a few days ago, and at that moment, I didn't know how to feel.
I have been feeling depressed for months now, I was used to 'knowing' that something inside me is dying, and I am going mad, and it is eating me up from inside.
But on 1st Jan! after a long long time, I had no clue, as to what was going on in my head! There was this rush of thoughts, and scenarios, and this numbing feeling, running throughout my body, and I had no clue! what was I supposed to do next! Every second was like a pin pinching my head.
The day passed, results came good, but still I had no idea as to what I was feeling.
They day just passed!
This is so weird, but now all of the sadness and depression that i used to feel, for all these months, now seems so blur and vague and ............dealable? like they can be handled,
But my dad getting sick....? that could not be handled. And the surprising thing is, my dad getting sick did not make me depressed or dead inside, it just made me.... more and more active. I wanted to give him everything i got, do everything possible in my knowledge, be the best version of myself, just to help him. I sat down and talked to him, I went to doctors, I checked his reports and now that finally he is fine, i am also fine.....
I am also fine....
I am stable....
I am feeling more real.... more human ?
I myself am cutting off from all the toxic temporary people that i had around me... i am just feeling more connected to my life.
It is heavy and tough..... but way better.