2020 sucked. I don't know if I became a better person or even worse version of myself. I have no idea, and I don't even want to figure that out! Lets just not think about that for a moment.
So, of course, I am to expecting a lot of things from 2021.
A lot of academic things... for which I am clearly not working hard enough to get them. Fuck you Bitch, please don't kill this thing for yourself... please do it! just do it!!! dooo itttt ! please.
So, other than the academic things, I hope I survive the upcoming loneliness waiting for me. I hope don't become an alcohol addict or a low self-esteemed human, wandering from one person's door to another, just to have someone, and even then, never actually having someone, and ultimately feeling like a suicidal teenager.
What else am I expecting? Maybe running. Maybe getting physically fit.
You know what... SSR has really gotten me scared. He was hot, rich, successful, physically fit, had great knowledge on everything, seemed like a complete human. Maybe an idol to lots of people, maybe to me too. The only thing that I can think of, that he didn't have, was maybe some good emotional aspect...? and it scares the shit out of me, to think that I also don't have that right now and will I ever be able to be better than him? like not commit suicide(nervous laugh), cause man I have heard his speeches... that man had depth, maybe too much depth... should I be more shallow? ok, Bitch time to shut up.... you just have to make each conversation soooo fucking heavy !!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah so, please hold yourself together, for as long as you need. someday it will get better. how do I know that? Cause it always does!
PS: Bitch me is... I start talking to myself while writing stuff.... and I write those little self-talks too.